Coopid is Stoopid
As Future Dominator of the World including the Void Under Beds™ I hereby declare tomorrow, 14th of February, Anti Capitalist-Exploitation Day™.
For too long now the world has been subjected to a vast and far-reaching conspiracy perpetrated by Hallmark, Interflora, candle-lit restaurants, fuzzy cute toys and winged cherubs who should be spending their time at Fat Camp rather than shooting arrows which explode in annoying little hearts.
Using a combination of psychlogical warfare, guerilla tactics and heart-shaped helium balloons, this conspiracy has forced the citizens of the World (who will, face it, one day bow down to Me)to subjugate themsleves to buying overpriced flowers, eating dubious heart-shaped desserts and placing personal ads of the worst corniest order, the last of which make one feel as if skewering one's eyeballs would have been a less painful ordeal than reading said ad.
In conjuction with Anti-Capitalist Exploitation, or ACE Day™, the citizens of the world, must, on pain of hearing Me sing Endless Love in a helium voice, do the following:-
1. Place arrows in the bottoms of any representations of Cupid (aforementioned fat cherubs), and write 'Kick Me' on said butts.
2. Avoid going to any candle-lit restaurants advertising 'Valentines' Specials' and instead, head for the nearest mamak stall, or better yet, stay home, and watch CSI, or int he event that CSI does not air on the night of 14th February, CSI reruns.
3. Ignore exhortations for flowers/fuzzy cute toys/chocolates from one's estrogen-fueled significant other on ACE Day™ while promising to perhaps consider buying them on any other day when these items are not so ridicuously overpriced (hence, Capitalistically Exploited).
4. Prevent the proliferation of sad and corny personal ads by tying the Personal Ad editors of newspapers with the strings of heart-shaped helium balloons.
5. Lastly, tell your loved ones that you refuse to fall for the whole 'one day to express your love' excuse Hallmark uses so well and instead, expressing your love for every day of your life.
Thank you.
Long Live Anti-Capitalist Exploitation (ACE) Day™.
Signed,
Your Friendly Neighborhod Future Dominator of the World including the Void Under Beds™
nads went at 22:03