Marriage Counselling for Dummies
I don't know about you, but I found this completely hilarious, in a very there's-nothing-more-satirical-than-true-life kind of way.
It also got me thinking about the numerous epic battles Mr Nads and I have had regarding life-and-death issues, and I'm not talking about the times when I have gone all PMS-y and emo and he's left wondering when the alien will be leaving his wife's body either (these 'episodes' generally run along the lines of me wailing variations on the theme of "the romance has gone from our lives/you never give me flowers anymore/you love the PS2 more than me" and him regretting ever opening his mouth to say the words, 'Is something wrong, you look a bit off').
Well anyway, our more epic battles concern issues of more import than my hormonal fluctuations. For instance:-
1. Life-threatening matters of grammar, such as the (non)existence of the word 'usherer'. He insists that a male person who ushers is well, an 'usherer' since a female who does is an usherette. Short of hitting him on the head with my Oxford Dictionary thus rendering me a young and very pregnant widow, I know not what to do. This situation has been made worse since we saw this idiotic shop in One Utama which claims to be a 'launderer'.
Also (and this originated from our historic Scrabble battle one New Year's Eve at MzMin's house 4 years ago, but keeps rearing its ugly ungrammatical head every now and then)-dwarFen exists neither in the Scrabble dictionary nor in the English language, and people whose then-girlfriends-now-wives had been brow-beaten into letting them gain decisive Scrabble points then shouldn't use the fact that they won the Scrabble game due to being able to use said egregious word as proof of ultimate language mastery.
2. The times when he uses my obsessive-compulsive 'must know it all'-ness to torment me. I had once spent a 90 minute car-ride in agony trying to remember what the first planet from the sun was. Please note that this was five years ago. But will some people let it rest? Of course not. What happens is I am occasionally badgered with "Are you sure Mercury's the first planet from the sun? What's the last planet? Pluto? Are you sure?"
3. His obsessive-compulsiveness, i.e., "Yes, you've locked the car 3 times, now can we go?"-Me
4. Why people, especially pregnant people, who have brewed the coffee and brought it upstairs shouldn't then be made to wash the cafetiere.
5. I'm not fat. I'm pregnant damnit. And I am NOT fatter than you.
6. Boys/men who read are not twatty/gay.
7. Frank Sinatra is not twatty/for gay people
8. Prince is twatty/gay
9. I want to be the tai-tai/ No, I want to be the tai-tai, you're the career-oriented one
10. Johoreans are more superior than Kedahans/Negri Sembilanites
11. Being born in the States does not make one an American
I'm sure more issues will be added later, notwithstanding the fact that we're masters at recycling arguments (note that the 'dwarven' thing has been going on for four years).
Support for me is also very much welcomed, thank you. To support Mr Nads, you may find him in front of his PS2 which I think is insidiously seducing him behind my back.
nads went at 15:30