A Sleazy Guy, a Girl and a Pizza Tongue Bath.
(The following has been paraphrased from an actual conversation and therefore memang berkait sangat dengan yang hidup, tapi tak ada kaitan dengan yang mati. I think.)
Min : What's with the dark entry?
Me : Dunno. Was feeling suicidal.
Min : Why?
Me : I think my mind just felt like it.
Min : That's scary... you mean your mind can feel suicidal just like that?
Me : Yeah.
Min : Oh, well.
Er, well... yes.
I think nothing can ever shock Min anymore. Not after the Completely Disgusting Tongue Hand Bath she received courtesy of the Pizza Delivery Guy.
For the record, I would like to state that as fertile as her imagination is, she did not make the Incident That Shall Not be Mentioned for Fear of Eviction up. I was however, (unfortunately) not an eye witness, being erm... 'tied up with marital duties' in the other room. Heh heh heh.
(I was on the phone to Malaysia, people. Tsk. Such minds should be scoured with a berus sabut and dettol.)
Anyway, these are events as I received them from Azie, who was an actual, but partial eye-witness, as all she could see in the doorway was Min's back, who had stayed in 'shock/trauma' standing position for a full 3 minutes after Sleazy Delivery Guy had made his escape:-
(The following is a dramatisation of events. Artistic license has been taken. Lawsuits will not be entertained. Thank you)
Act 1, Scene 1: Min is dressed in a knee-length nightie (one of those long t-shirt dealyos) and black socks and standing, as she maintains, with her body behind the door and only her head being visible to Sleazy Delivery Guy (SDG). She is waiting for her change.
SDG :(Takes Min's left hand, turns it over, and kisses it, before proceeding to bathe it. With his tongue).
Mmm...muah muah muah...lick lick...slobber slobber...
Oh, I'm sorry. (In suitable sleazy voice)
I'm Wahid.
(Hands out his hand as if wanting to shake her hand. Perhaps in his universe this is how you avoid sexual harrassment lawsuits)
Min : (Already in trauma. To have an idea of how she looked like in her traumatic state, stand in front of the nearest mirror (knee-length nightie and black socks optional), stare blankly at your reflection, position your mouth in 'slightly agape duh' mode, wipe your mind clean of any conscious thoughts, and THEN hand your OTHER hand to the guy who'd just given its partner a lickin. You will later state to your friends, who are laughing completely unsympathetically at your traumatic incident, being the jackals that they are, that you thought the SDG was apologizing and you had not wanted to offend the only Halal Pizza Delivery place in London. You will also threaten said friends with eviction.)
Doh......
SDG : (Thinks: Haha what a lovely....sucka!)
Mmm...muah muah...lick lick...slobber slobber...
Bye! Thank you for the bonus tip! We'll be happy to serve you again!
(Skips off merrily. Possibly to Sleazy Jerks of London Meeting, where Min is currently Jerk Magnet of the Decade.)
Min : Doh....
(Events then begin computing in her mind)
AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWHATTHE%$#^^#$JUSTHAPPENEDARRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Proceeds to scrub hands clean with industrial strength disinfectant, stopping short of actual amputation)
Azie : (Skips merrily to the room where Nads is having a Deeply Intellectual Debate about the Moral Repercussions of Not Getting One's Wife a Silver Volkswagen Beatle)
Nads! Nads! Nads!
(End of Scene. Curtains.)
The author is willing to entertain requests for staging the above one-act farce for the purpose of school drama competitions. The part of Wahid the SDG may be played by the resident Gatal Male Teacher. For Min, refer to the nearest Blur Girl. Teehee.
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The current inhabitants of Min's Apartment would appreciate information on alternative Halal Pizza Delivery Places in London so that we may firebomb the pants off of Wahid without cutting off one of our vital food supplies.
Thank you.
nads went at 15:53