You waited all this while for this?!
Oh, my blog. How have I neglected thee.
Then again, siapa suruh move servers ntahapekebende hari tu? Ni yang nak pindah b***er ni.
Anyway, I have nothing of note to report. Rather, as my life is now completely, utterly and unashamedly centred around a 2 feet sump'in sump'in bundle of heaping cuteness, all that I have to report will turn the hardened stomachs of the cynical who prefer cats to babies.
In other words, I am not so much with the zhanggg! (kudo, take note)
In other other words, I have become *cue Twilight Zone theme* a Gushing Parent. Yes, I have joined the ranks of those who start every sentence with "My baby/son/daughter/light of my lfe/blight of my purse..." and who whip out photos of their child sooner than you can say, "unsolicited".
You have been warned.
For those amongst us who refuse to heed warnings and choose to lead life recklessly, I bring you...
The Life and Times of Nadyn J., Little Princess of the Universe, Age 3 months and 1 day, Part 1
1. She has learnt to roll over unassisted. Who woulda thunk that the sight of a baby rolling over without any warning would be so funny? Especially when said baby insists on making cute grunty "Unhh, unhhh!" noises whilst rolling over and trying to raise her head and arms. The hilarity quotient exponentially increases when said baby displays signs of over-ambition and attempts to commando crawl. (Note: My baby is mobile. There goes life as we know it)
2. This is how Her Royal Cuteness poops:
a. Warn primary caretakers of impending poopness by yelling 'Ngeng' (whilst thinking, 'Geez, these people and their slow service! I'm writing a letter of complaint to The Star!' Also, 'Ngeng' and its variations 'Ngeng-g-g-g' and 'NGENG Goddamnit! NGENG!' are codewords for 'Let the breast-feeding frenzy commence!' Go figure)
b. Raise both legs in the air as primary caretakers open diapers in imitation of a Jane Fonda aerobics video cover. Primary caretakers will then have to hold legs in that position whilst HRC airs her butt for about 10 minutes.
c. Smile benignly at the world while waiting for poop to arrive at poophole.
d. Grunt when poop is about to land on diaper as if poop were the consistency and size of little rocks as opposed to the actual consistency (and colour) of mustard. English mustard. Now that's a product placement if ever there was one.
e. If poop-assistant happens to be Daddy, attempt to projectile poop, whereby poop shoots out of poop-hole in a delicate arc to land in several artistic splatters on Daddy's t-shirt and on the floor. Extra points for getting some on Daddy's face.
Note: Oh God, I am now waxing lyrical about poop! Where will it end?! Oh, the humanity!
3. Today HRC pooped the Mother Of All Poops as she hadn't pooped for the past two days. This wouldn't be so deadly if she didn't also attempt to roll over whilst pooping the Mother of
All Poops. Methinks I owe my Mum a trip to the spa for surviving through that one.
Ladies and gents, poop does, indeed, make the world go round.
nads went at 16:22