Tes Da Nayshun
I really shouldn't be doing this. I really should be writing up my Econometrics dissertation thingy.
But.(Yes, I like one-word cryptic sentences).
Also, the following might cause offence to bim/himbos, blondes and silly quiz-show contestants. Sorry.
There was this nationwide IQ test-cum-quiz-show today- Test the Nation (original, no?). It was hosted by Ann Robinson (my idol!), the uber-bitch from Weakest Link (is Weakest Link on in Malaysia yet?). They had 10 celebrities participating, and about 97,990 'little people'. The idea was to get the average IQ of Britain, and then gauge the average IQs of separate groups, like Blondes, Builders, Men, Women, Teachers, Students...you get the general idea.
I have no television, but with me being a Quiz-show geek (among the many other types of geeks that I am) I did it online, thanks to the info from fellow Quiz-show geek Min. I'm supposed to get the results via email tomorrow evening (Why the delay, BBC? Tsk..tsk..). I'm torn between wanting my IQ to be high-ish and wanting it to be low enough to have dragged Britain's national average down. You know, a 'Jatuhkan Bangsa Penjajah!' chip-on-the-shoulder kinda thing.
Anyway, the results- the average IQ is about 106-108 (Is this right, Min? Min actually called me to give me a blow-by-geeky-blow of the results. I love you Min!), with Blondes and Celebrities having the lowest scores (90+ was it?). Haha! To be fair, several of the celebrities had really high scores, with one of them (who happens to be a Physics graduate and the host of some show whose name I can't remember) getting 130+ and Dane Bowers getting the second highest. Dane Bowers?! Wtf?! Never again will I scorn techno music so easily. But the blondes, well, what can I say but that this justifies my latest fantasy of leading a suicide cult of bim/himbos who will be persuaded to, after they've handed over their ill-gotten worldly possessions to Me, stab themselves slowly with their own stilletoes/ choke on their own hairspray. The difficult bit will probably be the brainwashing- the same difficulty posed by cleaning microscopic objects, or objects that may not be there at all. Yes, I know, not all blondes are bim/himbos and vice versa. George Dubya for instance, is not a blonde. Details, details. So who's with me? *Waits for hate mail to start pouring in*
Test the Nation also got me and the people in my head thinking (not always a good idea) about what would happen if Malaysia had a National IQ test. If the average IQ of the country is reflected by the average IQ of say, the participants of Malaysia's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, we'd have a real problem. Some examples:-
Note: My Quiz-show geekiness is genetic. Other families bond via horse-back riding. We watch quiz shows. My Dad, in particular, is such a passionate quiz-show fan, he will invariably overreact. For entertainment purposes then, his over-reactions will be included in the examples. I would like to add however, that my Dad is an upright Citizen and has a lot of friends. (Hi Ma!)
Another Note: There seems to be no conflict between my 'Jatuhkan Penjajah!' obsession and compulsion to Embarrass the Nation by divulging quiz-show secrets. Then again, the humiliating bits are in Bahasa Malaysia. Malaysia Boleh.
Example 1:
Jalaludin 'Call me Abang' Hassan (hereafter known as Sleazy Host (SH): Anda suka mendengar muzik?
Silly Contestant (SC): Oh, salah satu hobi saya ialah mendengar muzik, saya peminat Sheila Majid.
SH: Apakah nama bagi jenis muzik yang dimainkan tanpa nyanyian?
A. Sentimental
B. Instrumental
(The other two had already been deleted via the 50-50 thing.)
SC: Erm...saya ingin menggunakan lagi satu talian hayat.
Dad, shouting (DS): My God! Dia suka dengar muzik ke bunyi binatang?!
(After this, the majority of the studio audience proceeds to choose C. My Dad proceeds to burst several hundred blood vessels.)
Example 2:
SH: Perkataan 'kardiologi' adalah terminologi perubatan yang berkaitan dengan..?
SC: Kulit.
SH: Adakah anda pasti? (and similar tired 'tension-inducing' crap)
SC: Ya, pasti. (Extremely confidently, I might add.)
DS: WHAT??!!! Pergi hospital sambil tutup mata ke!! (In the background: Tiny 5 yr old cousin jumping up and down while screaming, in dog-whistle frequency voice, 'Jantung la! Jantung!')
Example 3:
SH: Berapa harikah terdapat di dalam bulan Mac?
SC: Boleh saya telefon kawan saya?
DS: (Dad was entertaining guests at this time. NOT in front of the TV, thank God).
Yes, I acknowledge that nerves will do funny things to your brain, like make it malfunction, but you have to admit that this doesn't bode well for Malaysia's chances in Test the Nation. I could say a lot at this point about these examples being evidence of the cracks in the faultline that is the Malaysian Education System, (ugh, bad metaphor, someone come up with a better one, please) but I've already done my weekly self-righteous, self-aggrandizing rant. Tune in next week.
Also, I apologise to the SCs involved in examples 1 and 2 (SC3, I don't think a university graduate should be so calendar-ly challenged, although I am sorry for pouring salt onto an embarrassing wound), and to their families and friends. Sorry 'Abang' Jalal, in your case, it's 'berani kerana benar'.
I know it's mean to laugh at other people's mistakes and my friend (and self-appointed Voice of Conscience) Tots has nagged me about this. I don't mean to come off all superior. I admit, I'm prone to the most inane mistakes imaginable. But Tots, you have to admit that some mistakes are funny because they're made by people who you don't expect to be making them (grammar?), like university graduates (SCs 1, 2 and 3) not being able to answer questions my 5 year old (smart, but not a prodigy) cousin can. Or a Mensa member, saying 'He's got a lot of lout *sic*...You know, influence,'.
By the way, the next time I type 'know' instead of 'no' laugh at me all you want. Loudly.
nads went at 00:24